Story of An Insomniac.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “To Sleep, Perchance to Dream.”

One threaded in moss dreams
Dangling from a teardrop
Let the words drip like dew
Healing and soothing the cracks
Within my stone heart

The tales told from the soul
Tilts on the eyelash
A blink away
Those tales fall inside the iris galaxy
Where sleep becomes a lullaby

For the restless.

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The Art of Chaos.

Everyone will tell you that time marches on, but no one will tell you why. Well, after taking this month-long vacation from the blog-nation I have collected few rough ideas and have my own opinions on the same. The thing is the deepest-of-deep answers to the timeless question of time lie hidden in plain sight. It’s right there.

But here’s a hard truth, a truth revealed by physics: The universe, the cosmos, you see- loves chaos. This is how it gives meaning to time. We all are doomed and our fates have been set.

About 400 years ago Isaac Newton figured out the basic laws prevailing matter and motion. Using these laws he could predict everything from the motion of planets to the exact path of a bank shot in a game of pool.

There was one flaw: Newton’s law can’t tell time.

To be precise, they can’t tell the direction of time. Make a movie of two billiard balls smacking into each other and Newton’s law can’t tell you which direction the movie should run. There’s just no difference between past and future in Newton’s basic description of physics.

Similarly in life, we have no problem telling the past from the future /present. We scramble eggs into omletes but can never unscramble them into eggs. We say something cruel to a loved one and can never unsay it. There’s only one simple hack to this- Let Go.

Let go of the control and allow yourself to be swept away by the existing currents of life. Let go of productivity and be open to opportunities and creativity.

How Chaos Works.

Consider what we’re doing when we plan our day, our week, our year: we try to wield control over life.

We are saying: this is what I’m going to do today. This is how things will go. If I get these  things done, life will be good. This is my idea of what this day will hold.

Now consider: we absolutely have no idea if any of this is true. We cannot predict the future with any kind of certainty, and the idea that we can plan based on  these predictions is a nice fiction. But a fiction nonetheless. We do not know what will happen today, the rest of the week or month. Knowing what will happen this year? What an idiot.

And consider: what if we could know? What if we could predict every single day and plan each day exactly? Would this be perfect? I think that it would suck infinitely more than not knowing. Foreknowledge of future means we know what will happen each day and that is being stuck on one unshakeable path. Foreknowledge means extreme lack of freedom.

What can we do instead of predicting and planning our daily chores? Learn to embrace uncertainty. Let unpredictability rule, let randomness be the force of our life, let spontaneity be the rule.

Embracing chaos with good.

Some random thoughts based on my experiments:

Chaos is creativity, and creativity is chaos. They are the same thing. Creative work doesn’t happen by plan and control. Sure, some of the world creative genius were detail freaks, but they didn’t make a plan to come up with a creative genius idea – it came to them because they were open to random thoughts, explored thoughts no one else had thought to look down, took an idea they saw from someone else and twisted it in a new way. Creativity comes from the place of chaos, and its only when you open yourself to this lack of control that you can come up with your best creativity.

Some things to read. One of the best books I’ve read recently is The Humans of NewYork by Brandon Staton. It embraces the idea of uncertainty and originality. Sure the pictures and the story they reflect is phenomenal but it’s the story of Brandon, his vision and his simple and true love for photography inspires me more than anything.

If you don’t expect things to go as planned, you are open to the unplanned. Something might arise that is unexpected, and if you go with it, you’ll have to let go of your previous plans. This can be a wonderful thing. Many people (including me sometimes) get frustrated when new things come up that were unplanned, when plans go awry, but it doesn’t have to be frustrating. Just expect plans to change, or don’t really plan at all. Expect unplanned things to happen and, when they do, smile.

Embrace not knowing what will happen. This is the ultimate freedom. You don’t know what you’re going to do today, nor what will come up. You are locked into nothing. You are completely free to do anything, to pursue any creative pursuit, to try new things as they come up, to be open to meeting new people. It can be scary at first, but if you smile when you think of not knowing, you’ll soon realize it’s a joyous thing.

When you’re not focused on one outcome, you open the possibility for many outcomes. Most people are focused on specific goals (outcomes), and relentlessly pursue that outcome. They then dismiss other possibilities as distractions. But what if you have no predetermined outcome? What if you say that anywhere you end up could be good? You now open an infinite amount of possibilities, and you’re much more likely to learn something than if you only try to do the things and learn the things that support your predetermined outcome.

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star”

MondayThoughts-

To be and to be creative are synonymous. It is impossible to be and not to be creative. But that impossible thing has happened, that ugly phenomenon has happened, because all your creative sources have been plugged, blocked, destroyed, and your whole energy has been forced into some activity that the society thinks is going to pay.
Just be and the world will adjust.

Have a great week ahead.
A x

Philosophical State-Of-Mind.

Are we collecting and analyzing with a purpose? Do we have the guts to do a reality check and see if what we have collected is “meaningful” or “worth”?  It can be anything. Memories, reality, dreams, wishes, someone special or a lucky bracelet, anything which makes you question it’s worth. How often have you had those nights where you doubted yourself and your abilities? I know I have.

Have you ever had that feeling when you are stuck somewhere between who you are, who you could be and who you want to be?

“What it is” is what is now! It is a period you live in with your existing state of affairs. It is this period which creates a picture in your head of how it is supposed to be or “What it should be”, because if this period had been better, you wouldn’t have thought of what should you do to make it the best. Focusing on the situation where you are stuck in between what it is and what it should be, you’ll learn that you cannot be loved by all. You can be the finest person in the world- understanding, caring, loving. But there will be people who’ll go against you. You have to understand that if you are the finest apple and someone you love and value the most doesn’t like apples, you have the choice of becoming an orange. If you chose to become an orange, you will be a second rated orange, but you can always be a finest apple because, that who you are and what you are known for. You’ll realize that if you choose to be an orange, there will be people who don’t like oranges too. This is a grim scenario of the ‘between’ situation, where a person deals with heart breaks, sabotage their own thoughts and emotions. Furthermore, you can spend your life trying to become the best orange which is impossible because you can shape your personality and not your nature, or you can seek again to be the finest apple.

The road between where you are and where you should be is just another lane in your life which will lead you to your destination. It is not permanent; it is just a phase, where you learn to handle the odds of any situation, struggle, bluff and risks. After a while you learn a subtle difference between holding a hand and getting chained with a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean learning from each other every time, and company doesn’t mean refuge, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t any love contracts or a brand mark, and presents aren’t lifetime promises, and you being to accept your defeats and learn to confront them with your head held high, with the grace of an adult and not a grief of a child, you learn to build your own roads based on today because tomorrow doesn’t allow any guarantee. After a while you learn that too much sunshine can burn you. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul and set your own example to the human race, instead of waiting for someone to get you flowers.

Note-to-self: Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity.

Two.Zero.One.Five.

 “Just as new beginnings are important, so is honoring the experience of closure

Life is a collage of beginnings and endings that run together like still-wet paint. Yet before we can begin any new phase in life, we must sometimes first achieve closure to the current stage we are in. That’s because many of our life experience call for closure. Many people say they want to “start over”. However most people I know don’t do it, including me! And I have realized that’s because we cannot see the significance of an event or importance of a lesson until we have reached closure. Or, we may have completed a certain phase in life or path of learning and want to honor that ending. Closure serves to tie up or server loose ends, quiets the mind even when questions have been left unanswered, signifies the end of an experience and highlights the change that has taken place.

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When we seek closure, what we really want is an understanding of what has happened and an opportunity to derive what lessons we can learn from that experience. Without closure there is no resolution and we are left to grieve, relive old memories to the point of frustration, or remain connected to people from our past. And If you really cannot move on from that person, well, that are always rituals to do so. Write a farewell note to that person .and burn your note during the ceremony. As stupid as it may sound but something like this can allow you to honor and appreciate what has taken place between you and release the experience so you can move forward.

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Most people don’t strive for new beginnings because the unknown is scary.  Even though people may not like where their life is leading to at the moment. Many of us refuse to leave our own version of the world we live in because it’s familiar. And comfortable. And predictable. And requires minimal effort. Sounds cozy enough right? No. Actually not. But the average human is funny. We have a love/hate relationship with the familiar, the comfortable and the predictable. In the sophisticated literary terms as it is known as ‘dialectical tensions’. For example, one tension in real life can be called “predictability vs. novelty”. In other words, people love predictability, but yet crave for novelty. That’s what makes life so complicated!! But it also makes it fun!!

That’s why I believe that closure can help let go of feelings of anger or uncertainty regarding your past even as your honor your experience- whether good or bad- as a necessary step on your life’s path. Closure allows you to emotionally lay to rest issues and feelings that may be weighing down your spirit. When you create closure, you affirm that you have done what was needed, are wiser because of your experience, and are ready for whatever life wants to bring you next.

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Happy 2015!

Peace x

P.S: The above images were captured on Jan 1, 2015. My first page of the first chapter was nothing but simple and filled with happiness with my loved ones and i believe that’s what we all need at the end.  Love and spread love ❤

LEXICONS

There went the morning bell, sharp at 6am in the morning. While the sky begins to stretch its arms and sun peeks up. We all loathed morning sprints, especially me. Well, that is the thing about boarding schools; everything has to go according to the schedule,unlessyou choose not to. Being a tenth grade student is obviously not stress-free, board exams, family pressure , high school drama, dandy boys and teachers giving us extra notes and advice and then that ‘concentrate on your future’ sessions, its like a compendium. However, apart from all that my favorite subject was English, both language and literature. I take the subject English as an ocean, unfathomable. There’s always something to learn, to discover. A science teacher can tell you how advanced can our future be. A History teacher teaches you how to learn from your past. And maybe a math teacher can show you how to count and get rich. But an English teacher can teach you ‘life’.Its probably one of the many reasons why I adore this subject. That day our English teacher introduced us to a new word “lexicon”.

A Lexicon is a group of words that makes up a language. In other way it too means your own dictionary.  Growing up I never thought that my very own passion about writing would be described by this title. So finally the usually indecisive  me got hold of a blog name “My Lost Lexicon” which not only is ironical but also has its meaning within a meaning. So much so that I decided to share my insight on lexicons and understand myself better.

Living in a generation where a filtered image is appreciated more than an ordinary personality, I’veread a saying “ you are the choices you make” and millions of such instagram posts which would describe a being.

But here’s a thought-provoking question,Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? Should it be your way or their way?

it is said that brave and cowardly person are both fearful. However, it is the brave one who faces his fear and does what needs to be done. We will be faced with many such things that scare us throughout our lives. But growth can only take place when we take small steps. And that means making memories, building friendship, taking one step at a time.

Creating your own world. Creating a lexicon.

In literary terms a Lexicon is defined as a stock of words in a particular language. I see a Lexicon as a stock of memories, the state of being in a soul.

The people we meet, the songs we listen to,

the book we read, when you use #YOLO as your creed

the mistakes we make, the rules we break,

the times we cry, the last try,

The love we share, the guy affair,

The late night talks, the time when you hit the rock,

The secrets you reveal, the time you took to heal,

The letters you wrote and the hearts you broke,

the game you won, the moment when you revealed he/she is the one,

the promises you make, the time when everything seemed fake,

the melody in a state of trance, when you give yourself a chance.

Every little thing in your life is you.

But the thought that people often forget these things is disheartening and blue. Every person should have his own lexicon to remind themselves of who they are, and allow themselves to reflect upon their own deeds.

Pablo Picasso said “What you imagine can be real”. I don’t want to exist in time, what about “being time”? the thought of “being time” is elevating; to reflect on memories, actively live and project our expectations of the future in ‘the now’  the moment when time is immobile. This is what a lexicon should sound like. Just be. To exercise your right, and synchronize your mind with your body, to symphonize your dreams, to solidify your acts, where a world is truly your own.

As per me, I am just beginning to cram my lost lexicon by writing and sharing niceties, tedium and detritus of the day-to-day because these actions, objects and circumstances have meaning and significance to me. The movies and the great acts of heroism flashed on the social media are less captivating than the short videos of people doing simple, routine acts that bring us to tears because it reminds us that we can make a difference.

The supposedly trivial has meaning and grit to the individual and I want to explore what my own lexicon has to say about me hoping that it will reveal something significant.